For those of you who know me (that would be anyone reading this) you probably know that my absence from this blog coincided with my sojourn into the mythical "real world" with one of those elusive "9 to 5", "real person"-type jobs. However, in a premature midlife crisis (coupled with other extenuating circumstances, naturally) I rashly chucked it all in to continue my wanderings.
It needs to be said that I was incredibly lucky to be offered such a tremendous opportunity in the first place and incredibly blessed to have had such a positive experience, spending my days with wonderful, genuine people and hopefully contributing a small bit of myself to a worthy cause with worthy people in a worthy city.
But. Well, I suppose it's complicated. Like most of my peers, I have no idea what I'm doing. I certainly have no room to complain, but working full time is exhausting. Before I knew it, a year of my life had zipped right by and I didn't feel as though I had very much to show for it. Working in order to pay bills in order to work. It's a cruel cycle. And on top of it, not exactly a raging social life, since all of my peers were unemployed and/or working part time in bars.
Although it's nice to be busy, it distracts you from life's little existential crises, I don't want to merely be busy. At least not yet. I'm still naive enough to believe I can find something to do that challenges me, pushes me out of my comfort zone occasionally, and, most importantly, comes from within. I was good at that job, but hardly irreplaceable. And I suspect that I have plenty of time to go to an office every day for the rest of my life (and thanks to modern medicine and the lack of social security, that could extend well into my 80s).
Now that I've slipped back into a comfortable, mostly unemployed, somewhat nomadic lifestyle (this was actually a surprisingly easy regression for me), I hope to be posting on this blog more regularly. More importantly, I hope to be starting a new blog that won't focus purely on me and my activities but will hopefully allow me to contribute something, hopelessly minuscule, to The Internet. Although this may come as a surprise (or not), there is only so much I have to say about myself.
3 comments:
What sad photos.
But you were irreplaceable in a very special way... you have the gift of leadership and vision, a rare thing. You may yet find some job where you can do lot of interesting things and control your daily fate from day one but most jobs like that are reserved for people who have earned their stripes without losing the edge that is needed... with your skills you could do that in any number of fields but it requires you to commit. Sure the years will pass quickly in the office grind but they will pass regardless and it will be the mark that you leave that will be your only reward either way... instead of thinking of it as being part of something bigger you need to have a plan to lead the people that need you to lead them.
A good point, well stated. I am sure that in my life there will be time for both...
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